witchcraftand-wizardry:

i say “fight me” a lot for a girl who is 5”3’ and has a hard time opening some doors because they’re too heavy

rhydonmyhardon:

i hate it when flies fucking rub their stupid little shitty hands together like they’re plotting to ruin my life those tiny little bastards

jamesbleach:

bae: come over

me: i can’t. im in africa

bae: my parents arent home

me: image

☢ My Glitch

householdkate:

I read sixpenceee's post on glitches in the matrix and I remembered this thing that happened to me in high school that I just wrote off as weird.

So in my homeroom class one day a friend gave me a short story she had just written and asked me to read it and tell her what I…

peanutbutterandsquats:

lilyredneck:

dut-dut-goose:

queenofferrets:

juzanotherblog:

new bra from victoria secret! :) 

A woman stands in her bedroom. She is with her attractive male lover. The air is filled with desire. They both look into each other’s eyes. The female, with a slightly bashful smile, takes off her clothes, starting with the pants first, and finally the shirt. She is wearing the bra. The man’s eyes opened wider in interest. His interest is peaked. The woman strutted closer to him, her eyes batting and her smile growing. She leans into his ear and with a breathy voice, she spoke:

“Lettuce fuck.” 

I graduate in three days, I pay my own bills, I have a car, and I’m reading fanfiction about a lettuce bra.

It has a little lettuce bow.

I’ve been laughing for 7 minutes oh my god

cyndecisive:

pros to dating me:

  • i’ll actually respond to ur text
  • u can literally kiss me whenever u want (esp random neck kisses like yes please)
  • we can hold hands
  • butt touches
  • cuddles? ? ? yes good
  • i’ll play with your hair or vise versa
  • u don’t have to worry about me liking other people bc i’m annoyed by almost everyone
  • smooches

trillgamesh:

braiker:

Are you fucking kidding me? Did we all just wake up in 1938?

Remember how everyone thought it was so ridiculous and uneducated of Tumblr users to think that those people were Nazis and now it looks like they might very well be nazis, amazing

fishingboatproceeds:

cornchipz:

daleksunshine:

danfreakindavis:

when you find that perfect gif but don’t know how to use it

image

You can reverse the flow of the hotdogs if you concentrate hard enough

oh my god you can

What I find fascinating is that they appear to go in much faster than they come out. Hank, explain this to me using science.

pantheraj:

"HELLO INFANT I AM BELUGA WHALE"

"YOU ALSO ARE BALD AND HAVE A BULBOUS FOREHEAD. LET US BE FRIENDS FORTHWITH."

defieroffate:

searchforelysium:

fujisalci:

therealdestructables:

I love this.

no matter what you say you cant stop me from shipping starbok x hypster

I miss this.

IVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFE

bagellie:

benefits of being friends with me

  • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
  • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them

ddarkahn:

Some of Cher’s greatest hits on Twitter.

ohsaratopia:

thistimeitsuptoyou:

We asked twenty strangers to kiss for the first time….

This guy knows his shit on how to kiss a girl.

Holy shit this guy deserves all the head in the world